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Thursday, February 22, 2007

Confusing Fantasy For Reality

My body is tired but my mind won't let it rest.

Life is tough. Don't ever let anyone else tell you otherwise. Things like work, love, friendship, health... they are all plagues of the soul. Ok, I admit, I am being cynical, but thats how I feel all of the time. Lately, I have felt really beside myself. There are just so many things racing around inside my head, mostly one thing, but I know I shouldn't think about it as much as I do. I am the typed of person that likes to get stuff finished, and be the best, I don't like to leave an open end, or an incomplete task laying before me. Unfortunately, I am also the type of person that can never seem to do things right. I know, I know I am bitching. It sounds like a classic case of "sandy vagina" syndrome. But the problem is, it's all I can think about. How I can't be good enough at work, how I am a shitty boyfriend. And the worst part of it is, maybe by other standards I might be pretty good... Designing cards is tough. You really want to stand out. Be "that guy". But it doesn't just fall into your lap like that does it. I can't think of good ideas, but they will come I'm sure. As for love, or whatever it is I'm feeling. I feel the same way; that no matter what I do, I'm not going to be exactly what "they" are looking for. I want to say I have everything I have always wanted; a good job, a girlfriend, close friends, my own place and a loving family that I don't have to see everyday. The problem is, it's all in shambles, constant disarray. It's like having a puzzle, in a box, sitting right in front of you. All the pieces are the same color, shape and size. All you have to do is put it together. Now you're fucked.

SHIT! I mean I need an outlet, but I know I need to watch what I say here. It's so easy to get a jaded opinion or an eavesdropper. I just want to be happy.

So Lost... Someone once told me "it's like a swift kick to the face." Almost every episode I think I can agree with that. As for this one, I feel like they gave you a huge run around about Jacks tattoos, only to truly answer you in the last 15 minutes about what they mean. I hate filler. I haven't checked up on my "nerd site," but I'm sure the "Losties" all felt the same.

I believe I am rambling now. I am getting a little run down, so maybe I can finally sleep. I am sorry about the bitching... I am going to try and make this blog slightly more "professional" from here on out.

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2 Comments:

At February 27, 2007 3:26 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

what the hell is sandy vagina syndromn?!

 
At March 9, 2007 1:40 PM , Blogger Josh said...

something you get when you can't stop complaining. or i guess can't stop complaining because of it. something like that.

 

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