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Saturday, June 9, 2007

The Secrets We Keep to Protect the Ones We Love

One thing that i really love, is hearing about new music. Even if the song is terrible i still love being the first to hear it. A couple of track that i have recently come across that deserve recognition are:
The Noisettes, a band i hadn't heard of until this point, have a song called The Count of Monte Christo. It's a catchy blue-grassy, toe-tapper... but don't take my word for it.
Along the same lines is the new Paul McCartney song, "Dance Tonight". If you get the chance, see the music video featuring Natalie Portman, directed by the same guy who did "eternal sunshine for the spotless mind".
Lupe Fiasco, Kanye West, Pharrell's combine effort "CRS" single dropped called Us Placers is HOT!
Lastly in music, is the playlist for Heather's Last CD. I'm not even sure why i still gave it to her... i is kinda "lovey" for post-break-up. It's a good mix though, you should check out all the tracks.

THIS BREAK-UP IS DRIVING ME MAD!


Ok, at first i was in a state of shock, and comfort for heather because she was crying. As time went by things changed. It's like going through the steps of losing a loved one or whatever. After Tuesday rolled around it had sorta set in that i wasn't going to go see her that night for TV or movies like we would normally do. I, like an obvious idiot made the attempt to made it easy on Heather and tell her good friends to take good care of her because she was going to need someone to hang out with more then ever. Who knew that less than a week later this would already have back fired in my face and made life even harder. THEN came Wednesday, and Heather and I had briefly spoke through e-mails, one of which concerning the movies we had rented and never watched before the break-up. I made the offering to her to come to my house to watch the movie, as well as bring Heather Garth along (to help keep the get-together less awkward). Garth and i talked that night about the situation. I am not one for confiding my feelings in others, i naively post them online for all to read or i bottle them up. I am just better at typing up my feelings.
... i am so upset i am shaking...
continuing on... when Garth and i talked we made loose plans to do breakfast on Saturday "for sure". You know, to keep us all friends. Obviously, that didn't work. Thursday came, and we watched the movie. The movie, "American Haunting", was not so good, don't rent it. The encounter was awkward. I couldn't bring myself to make eye contact with Heather. I later found out it's because i am slightly bitter about the break up. Heather did however bake me delicious strawberry tarts. Friday was just as bad. Bob and I were going out to lunch when we sawn Erin and Heather eating together. Erin saw me and gave a wave making me feel like if i didn't sit with them then i would be the bad guy. Lunch sucked. Friday night was excellent. Immediately after someone asked me if I would like to go Mini golfing i said yes. It was a blast. I had so much fun. Jaybo, Patti, Merkle, Cecilia, Melissa were the posse. The Heather's could have been part of it but they never showed up at happy hour. I don't think i would have had nearly as much fun if heather was there though. But several times though-out the night i did sit back and think about her. Melissa, the super hot, 32 year old, asian woman, made the night much more bearable. Only to come home to an empty bed. Today, i woke up hoping for that breakfast i was promised and i didn't get a response until after 11. Thats OK because typically we don't go until later anyhow, but Garth wasn't interested in breakfast today. She suggested dinner. Now, i was looking forward to breakfast, but i was satisfied with dinner. No plans were made, just loose ones again, stating the fact that instead of our friendly breakfast we were to have a friendly dinner. Grant it i did miss her call the first time, and then i called her back about 15/20 minutes later, and then she called me back around 5:45 or 6. By this time, according to the following plans she would be pressed for time to go to dinner. Now i would have been upset enough that she couldn't go to dinner, but i found that it was because she was going to a movie with Heather, i was slightly more upset. It must be terrible for Garth to be suck in the middle like this, trying not to choose sides... but maybe unwilling to her, she already has. I don't know why we couldn't all get along. but that wasn't for me to find out. now i sit in my apartment making it look better so maybe i can attract more ladies in because obviously, it's not going to work out for Heather and I.

While at WalMart i was reminded of all the things that used to make Heather and I happy. I was able to think of all the good times, as usual. Heather wasn't able to do that. She made it a point to bring up the big fight we had saturday and sunday night. She was taken down by one weekends time. YET, I put up with 6 months of on-again-off-again sex, friendship, and fighting, for the few good times i can remember from all the things i see everywhere. When you are the dumpee everything is harder apparently, because you had everything to lose. I know Heather is going to find this and freak out. But let her. I don't care anymore. Please come crying to me Heather. You obviously don't need me as a friend as much as you say you do, because you are doing perfectly fine using Garth as my replacement every day. I'm upset, because obviously you needed a friend as much as i did... and now i have no one. thanks a lot.

*sigh*



Nothing works.

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