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Thursday, July 26, 2007

The Crushing Blow.

I cried tonight. I cried for about a half an hour. I am broken. Who knew it could get any worse? Well, it did. I can't remember the last time i felt so awful. There is quite the story to go with this, but I'm not going to get into it. I called Garthy because i needed to tell someone. Thinking it was going to be a harmless conversation, thats when i broke down. Through tears and blood-shot eyes, i got down on my knees and prayed to God. I asked him to give me strength and to make things better. I felt weak and helpless... and i told Him so. I didn't know what else to do, and even though i felt guilty because i only come to God when i have a problems, i had to. At his point, getting out was the best think i could do. So, I went on a long walk down Westport to Blockbuster, and back. My heart physically hurt (and still does), and so did my head... By the time i had returned; i had spoken to many people, i was sweating, and i felt a little better. I was able to appreciate my situation a little better. I enjoyed the city by night, and actually felt like a resident — even though at the time i really just wanted to be anywhere else but Kansas City. The homeless people who stopped and asked for change reminded me how life could always be worse. After i signed back online, my friend Emily who i haven't spoke to in almost exactly a year IMed me and we proceeded to talk for hours. Was she God answering back? Whatever happened tonight... you'll have to ask me to find out... but i will never forget this time in my life for anything. I have never felt so alone in my life, but thank you to all the friends who are constantly there like Emily, and Garthy tonight. Keep me in you're prayers... i need them now more than ever...

"i dont think you want to hear this, but..."

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1 Comments:

At July 27, 2007 4:23 PM , Blogger taylor said...

as far as I've been able to tell thus far, God's always been the best one to turn to (and in my experience, usually pretty reliable when it comes to doling out strength).

whatever the situation is, I hope things work themselves out and you wind up on the other side a stronger, better and happier person.

 

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