Messengers of Mortality

Happy Birthday to my sister.
and April Fools.

-Josh

Power Cords for a Teenage Heart

Holy crap! I can't even begin to tell you how insanely crazy this weekend was (unless you count that), and by weekend i mean since Thursday. I had planned to update... but that's not going to happen tonight, it's already past midnight and i haven't had time to sleep. I leave you with this, some pictures from The Get Up Kids reunion show!


sincerely,
pocket Josh

PS. I think i am going to try and redesign the blog very soon. Maybe that will restore my vim.

Curse and Cure

I have Bess to thank for actually giving me something to blog about today. I think this is a brilliant way to get different people to read your blog that might not normally bother... now the trick will be tagging 6 friends that give a crap.

The rules of the “6 Random Things About Me Meme”:

1. Link to the person who tagged you.
2. Post the rules on your blog.
3. Write six random things about yourself.
4. Tag six people at the end of your post and link to them.
5. Let each person know they’ve been tagged, leave a comment on their blog.
6. Let the tagger know when your entry is up.

6 RANDOM THINGS ABOUT ME, JOSH

1. I am rarely not looking at a monitor of some kind. At work, i am looking at one all day designing. When i come home, i will watch TV, play a video game, or be on my computer. When i go out, I go to the movies pretty often. It's actually kinda sad now that i have put it into words... i should really do something to correct it.

2. I find most porn videos really funny.

3. I have Dermatophagia; biting the skin around the nail. Onychophagia which is basically just nail biting and Dermatillomania which is picking at my skin. Because I'm slightly obsessive-compulsive... but then again, there aren't many creatives who aren't.

4. I play World of Warcraft... I'm a level 59 Undead Rogue. I don't get to play all that much though; too much social life getting in the way i guess.

5. I've had a [government taxed] job since i was 14. From McDonald's, to today at Hallmark.

6. I was a child model.

Tag Rachel, Raymundo, Laura, Heather, Aaron, and Bret, you're it!

You're Survey Fairy,
Josh

We Are All Soft

Kelly, an art director at Hallmark just passed away. I didn't know her very well, but i didn't need to, to know how good of a person she was. I had been following some of her recent hospital visits, but i had no idea it would have come to this... no one did. My thoughts and prayers are with her friends, family, and team here at Hallmark.

Life is a constant trial. I have been thinking about that a lot lately, but not too much, so not to make my head hurt. I guess it's true of me, when my mind isn't busy with work, i starts to wonder... but i am in a much better place now.

It seems Autumn has come early this year. I like it.

Sincerely,
Josh

PS. I got the pictures from the Seattle Trip. I will let you know where they end up.

Still So Infantile

I can't thank everyone enough for being so awesome on my birthday. i wish i had more to say, but i am extremely tired and i will post more "tomorrow".

Oh, officially the word is out now, i am moving to a new team at Hallmark. The hip/cool/trendy design team.

Away From the Things of Man

There is plenty to blog about (and pictures) when it comes to my long weekend. but because of the late hour, i will update this post tomorrow. stay tuned.


Every so often, i feel we as people have to get away from our lives. At least i know i have to. So, taking a Monday off of work, for a long weekend away getting in touch with nature and ourselves, sounded like the perfect idea. A week in advance I reserved a site at Onodaga Caves Park. Unfortunately, due to the rain, the camp ground closed down a day before we were supposed to go. But Aaron found us The Fingerlicks the Finger Lakes, another campground closer by, in Columbia, Mo.

The nights were pretty cold, but toughing it out, like men, we managed to sleep in a tent for two nights (i, on the ground), wearing only hoodies, t-shirts, and jeans, and warming ourselves by fire. I don't want to say we were the only idiots out in this weather, but it was close at one point. Also, like the burly masculine spectacles we were, we also put off showering until we returned home on Monday. Needless to say our hair was greasy, our clothes were a mess, and our nethers were ripe. (sorry about that) Now i know what it must have been like to be in "Into the Wild". *cough* Doesn't seem too hard. I would like to say we completely roughed it, but being that there was a Bass Pro Shop 5 miles from the site, and a Cracker Barrel only 10 miles away, there wasn't much need...

Leo, Aaron, and I did our best to enjoy everything central Missouri had to offer. The Devil's Icebox, part of Rock Bridge State Park, was by far the coolest part. We spent our nights doing stuff you would only find three "artsy" kids, do while camping, singing around the fire (aka, a personal Aaron Hale concert each night), taking pictures of lights in the dark, and drawing with burnt wood. Dorks.







Over all, the weekend did what i wanted it to accomplish... and i had a great time.

-Josh

Corrugate Forest.

This past weekend, i was more formally introduced to a pretty amazing couple, Rachel andLeo Kempf. We shared ice cream and stories and really enjoyed my getting to know them. Then, i came to find out, just this morning, that Leo was not only a pretty solid dude, but he was also wildly talented. Un-anxious to brag about his magical vocation on the day we met, I happen to stubble upon it today. Cardboard quote shaped tables? impossibly angled shelves?... oh, he totally does logos and web design too (Images above, be sure to click that link above to see more). my mind was blown. With any luck, i will get to know more about him and talk his ear off about his way cool furniture this weekend on a camping trip. All of this is for not though, because apparently in a short amount of time they will be moving away to Arkansas. Clearly, Kansas City wasn't boring enough for them. But i wish them the best.

Thats my story.

"it's like a book elegantly bound, but, in a language you can't read... just yet."
-Josh

Tiger in the City

Love, Josh

Note to self: ... gosh, i think i do this same lettering all the time. i am going to have to change something up soon here. crap.

Upon the Destruction of Neverland

When you grow up, move out, get a life, there are certain things that come with it. Responsibility, freedom... taxes. It's all part of life. The holidays remind us all about growing up, i'm sure up to the point where you have your own kids, and you are able to reminisce about old times and carry on tradition. But i digress. When you get your own apartment, you start hosting parties, and having friends over.

Friday, i had mine. I thought it was a success. No body broke anything (bones, glasses, tv's), so that has to count for something. Next time, i will extend the invitation out to more people, but this time i wanted to keep it smaller.
Come Sunday, Laura had her get-together. I appreciated how my friends truly felt like family this year. This was probably the best Easter i have had in 5 years (at least). After an uplifting church service, we stuffed ourselves with the finest brunch God would allow our hands to prepare. We cleaned up, and headed to the park to play on the swings, and throw the frisbee around. Then we came back, had an easter egg hunt debacle, and passed out from a sugar crash while watching TV. It was a good Sunday...

also lately (to fill in the gaps);
-i did laundry (trust me it's exciting when there is that much piled up),
-i made paper globes,
-i ate ohana (not family, just the restaurant chain),
-i played some kane and lynch (for maybe the last time),
-i cleaned my apt.,
-i found a little more of myself,
-i watched Bee-Movie. (eh, it was more of a C Movie)
-i started a couple projects for myself.

The other Easter asshole,
Josh

A Problem, A Rose

Happy Valentine's Day


The yellow ones are for friendship. Maybe you got one? Some people just don't deserve to go Valentine's without getting anything. So, i made sure you at least got something.

In other news, I think i am sick. It doesn't happen often with me, but talking about it so much lately, i think i jinxed myself. I hope everyone else had a good day.

Sucker for Strings.

Here is a belated survey i said i would take. Enjoy. edit As usual i had to go back and fix some stuff because it didn't quiet make sense.

1. What did you do in 2007 that you’d never done before?
I asked someone out in person. I drove half way across the country. I lost 30 pounds.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Sorta. Resolutions are kinda dumb. Really you should be making goals all year round, and you shouldn't need one time of the year to tell yourself, "holy crap, I suck! Time to not suck so much!" On that note, i did tell myself around that time to start losing weight, and i did. Make any this year? No, not really.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Ew... if they were physically close that could create quite the mess... Not close to me, emotionally either

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Not in this past year, or not close to me. Thank God.

5. What countries did you visit?
The good ol' U. S. of A.

6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007?
A solid girlfriend. A house. Maybe a dog.

7. What dates from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
12/09/07, because it was a good date. Thats really kinda it.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
A small increase in confidence and losing 30 pounds.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Getting dumped, and not getting a house.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Minor ones, nothing serious. A broken heart (collective "awh" please).

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Probably, the iMac I am on right now. Maybe the Wii.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Aaron Hale. For being an all around good dude.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
It's best if i don't mention it. I am over it now anyhow.

14. Where did most of your money go?
To my rent, my student loans, video games, and this computer.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
12/09/07, and going home over the summer and for Christmas. Ask most people and they will tell you those where the things i talked about the most at least.

16. What song will always remind you of 2007?
"Kill" by Jimmy Eat World "The Ponytail Parade" by Emery

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
I don't think this question makes sense. Harder, thinner, faster, stronger?

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Networking.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Complaining.

20. How did you spend Christmas?
With my family back home in Pennsylvania, playing Mario Party, stuffing our faces and carrying on.

21. Did you fall in love in 2007?
I would like to say not... but that is probably not true.

22. What was your favorite TV program?
Heroes probably. Lost is a good one year to year as well.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
Hate? No. Things are clearing up now.

24. What was the best book you read?
Last year? Well, not much reading, but "Hand Job: A Catalog of Type)", also "Bridge to Terabithia"

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
I discover music all the time. The greatest one? The Acorns probably.

26. What did you want and get?
My iMac.

27. What did you want and not get?
To be loved.

28. What was your favorite film of this year?
"No Country for Old Men", "Once"

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Went to Dave and Busters. 23.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Happiness. Is that too generic? Emotional gratification.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007?
preppy indie hipster.

32. What kept you sane?
Xbox Live.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
of 2007? i'm not sure. If i had to think of one, i would probably have to say Michael Cera.

34. What political issue stirred you the most?
African issues. RED, Fair Trade, etc.

35. Who did you miss?
My buddy Nick, and Kyle. My family. Lately, my deceased Nana

36. Who was the best new person you met?
In this year? There is a ton! Laura Jordan is probably at the top. Big thank you to everyone i have met in '07.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007.
Everything happens for a reason. The rest you have to figure out for yourself.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
"Next Year, Baby" - Jamie Cullum

Taking Back Nature

Nicks tattoo.


As you may remember, i actually attempted to "pre-design" a tattoo for Nick before the great Tim Kern got his hands on it. If you forget what i did for him, click here. Yeah, i know, nothing a like, but thats only because his is way better. He still has about 2 more sections, and by the end it will be colored.

Also, Nick got the job at Rockstar Games! i'm proud of my baby boy. As a "thanks", i got a bunch of GTA swag.

Rural Starlight

Merry F*cking Christmas! I hope everyone got what they deserved this year. =)

I was going to post some pictures of what rural Pennsylvania Christmas' look like, but i forgot the USB cord for my camera. Maybe later.

I got a lot of nice presents this year. But, as cheesy as it sounds, some of the best presents this year for me is "presence." Family, friends, and God. So, thanks.

"Hello stars, i have missed you"

The Christmas Mix

Enjoy some of [adult swim]'s Holiday cards.

After Christmas i will be posting my top 5 games, movies, and albums of 2007, just before the new year.

Here's a quick update:
I drove home again for Christmas, and about 19 hours later I made it there. Last time i made this trip i was still awake enough to get on here and blog before i went to bed. This time i passed straight out. Besides the cost of gas being slightly more money this time, i also managed to pull in a $150 speeding ticket from the state of Indiana. Thanks Indiana.
It doesn't take me long to fall into routine, so by morning, my friends where already calling to see if i could hang out. What a good feeling, definitely a feeling of want and importance. After catching up my mom and Stan (my stepdad) over breakfast/lunch, i took a trip to the "Beer Mart" with a couple of friends. Then, back to the video games i felt i left in Pennsylvania. It kinda sucks because i was backed into a spot wear i had to choose who i wanted to hang out with. The group i ended up with was a group of friends that hadn't been together since preschool. Separately, we have seen each other for a couple of years after that. But even so, it was a jaw dropping event. Jed, who is still in medical school at Jefferson in Philly, has probably led the most interesting life of us 4 in only 23 years. He has been to missions in Rwanda, and running with the bulls in Spain, and helped rebuild New Orleans just to mention a few. Jen and Jon were the other two, which i have actually seen fairly recently. The J Crew. To sum things up here, it was a great time catching up, there were endless things to talk about, never a dull moment for any of us i don't think. Things like this really remind you of what this season is really all about; Kindred-ship, either family or friends.
Today; football, more friends, and good east coast pizza and wings. i think i weigh 10 pounds more.
Tomorrow it looks as if i will be going up to my uncles house with my dad and sister... which i haven't done in years. I hope it works out.

"ho ho hopefully this holiday will make us believe that, were exactly where were supposed to be."

Damn These Awkward Hands

This was the most interesting weekend i have had in a while. Definitely in a good way.

Saturday was covered in snow. I just wish i had taken some pictures because judging by the forecast, by the end of the say tomorrow the snow and ice will only be a memory. I did manage to get out Saturday night, and it was WELL worth my time.

Sunday, today, was basically how it was meant to be, based around religion. After church this morning, we made a quick stop at Bo-Lings for lunch, and then off to more church. People see black churches on TV and in the movies, but who actually gets to experience it. I went and loved it. It was surreal. Entering the church service at 3 in the afternoon, this is what happened;
sat through 3 rappers,
2 def-poets,
2 amateur singers,
a dance troop,
a mime,
sang in 3 gospel congregation worships (one of which included the whole church holding hands),
all the while being one of six total white people,
getting out 3 hours later, and had their hands hurt and voice scratchy afterwards.
How many people can say they have done the same? If you haven't before, you should try it. Besides the fact of it being long, and draining, it was amazing.
After that, Heather, Aaron and I headed to meet up with some new friends to make gingerbread houses. Despite the fact that mine was an ugly mess, it was the perfect way to cap off a day. I had enough fun to last me a lifetime. Pictures to follow.

I really liked who i was this weekend.

This Friday, I will be making my long trek home. 17 hours. Me, my friend Emily, energy drinks, an iPod full of music to sing too, and plenty of conversation. I'm excited to be home.

Something Good. Run With It.

Here is a thank you card i threw together for my friend Nick to send out while he was interviewing. With a little more time i could have made it look a lot better, but with the time constraints, i think it turned out OK. It got some good reactions with the people at Rockstar Games and some his friends.

He has another interview on Friday (i guess that means i will have to make a few more cards up...meh). Here's routing for you Nick!

Good. Fine.

Elf Yourself
just me and my zombie friend. chillin'.
but if you really want a good laugh. try this
Why didn't Hallmark think of this first?

Beautiful Violence.

Here are some visuals, to counter the gobs of boring words below.

Aaron's design; i just helped make it look pretty. Go vote it a 5 for him.


Street Fighter VI. I was never really good at these games, so in turn i didn't really play them. However, this trailer (be it that this is how the game turns out) is beautiful.

Marked

This is a tattoo idea I drew up for Nick. I kinda just went at it with a Micron pen without sketching out anything first. Typically, i don't do this because it would turn out like crap. I'm not saying this one breaks that mold, but it's better than i thought. And really, the guy doing the tattooing, Tim Kern, is pretty much spectacular, so all he needed was an idea to go by. I will try to get Nick's permission to post his tattoo when it's finished, so you can see where it goes. Nick, start polishing those guns for pictures.

Last night, I bitched out, and got Halo 3. I played it until about 1 last night, so far, so good. Along with Halo i made these purchases:
• The Weakerthans - Reunion Tour
• Iron and Wine - The Shepherd's Dog
• Free Halo 3 wall sticker
• Knocked Up 2 Disc Edition (with free playing cards)
• Taco Bell Grande Meal

Aaron tallied it up to be 126 or so. (what i forget the official tally?!, so what if it was a lot.)
Then, i painted a cool zombie at Aaron and John's. Lucky for me that was free.

"And I'll tell myself I'm over you 'cause I'm the king of wishful thinking"

Happiness is Made of...

Arby's.
(Today, I was thinkin' Arby's, and so was Heather:
Thanks Garthy.)

Keira Knightley topless.

This video. The song is good, the video is better.

CS3. yum.

The Philips Norelco Bodygroom ad campain.

Set Your Goals - Mutiny!.

Together they make something that probably tastes delicious, but mostly just makes me smile (which i could use). Thank you.

The Rest of the Story.

i'm sitting here and i can hardly feel my limbs. I feel as if i'm floating in place. Even my head is heavy on my neck. And as much as this sounds like a pleasant experience, i feel like i am the scum of the earth. Like life is just fucking with me. I looked at the clock a moment ago, and it was 11:11 again. I gave up on wishing long ago, because none of it ever comes true.



...I nodded off for a while...

*Edit
Last night, while drunk, i wrote some things that i probably shouldn't have. I kept to as little detail as possible with exactly how i felt, but when if comes down to it, i still may have said too much. I didn't sleep well at all last night, worry about what i said, and what might have been going on outside of these four walls. To summarize what has happened in the last few days is actually very simple: I was bummed out because living out here just got harder, so i had a little to much to drink, and i drank my problems away. And if any of you know me, that's really not how i do things. The reality of it is it actually made me feel worse and i became a sniveling girl. There are some things i need to clear up in my head by either working them out on my own or talking to the appropriate people. I don't want to keep waking up mornings with bedfellows that will plague me the rest of the day. I need to use what has happened to me and allow it to make me a better person. It's either do or die this time. Lets hope not literally.

-Josh

Doppleganger

Last night, i ended up watching a movie with Aaron Hale (his music). It was a lot of fun, i had a great time. It will be good for me having him out here. He and I get along on an "entertainment level" if nothing else. We both like the same forms of music, movies, TV and alike. And i don't really get to go to a lot of movies in theater anymore. The movie was:

The Invasion-
In 1956 a movie came out under the title "Invasion of the Body Snatchers". The movie was about a doctor/psychologist who realizes that people are being replaced by "pod people", who are emotionless clones walking around like zombies, talking with formal words and monotone voices. It can be said the that movie was a message about the evils of Soviet-Communist movement.
Then in 1978, the movie was redone under the same title. However, it was based in the much larger city of San Francisco, and the main character was, Matthew Bennell (Donald Sutherland), a health inspector. There were cameos from the first film, and has a young Jeff Goldblum. This film was slightly darker in the fact that you actually see that the original person is destroyed during the making of the Pod Person, and does not have a happy ending where as they never defeat the pod people. If you haven't seen it by now you had that spoiler coming. Still essentially the same movie; both in California, both plant people, both "zombies".
The film, obviously successful, made a THIRD remake (GODDAMN!) in 1993, simply named "Body Snatchers". The films response was poor, and made little impression with the public, more like a cheesy horror flick. This film was a jab a the US Army conformity, being that it was centered in a Military base.
With each film more empowering for woman than the last, the newest film actually has the star as a woman, Nichole Kidman — still a total hottie by the way. As mentioned before, this film was just called "The Invasion," (originally, and probably better off as "the Visiting") probably because it had nothing to do with pod-people. LAME! A strain of symbiotic virus comes down in a shuttle crash, and starts taking over people. Kidman, is a psychologist, working in D.C. (not California. grr...), alongside Daniel Craig (James Bond!), who is her love interest, and a high profile doctor there. This movie was mostly a disappointment story lacking the certain "umf" that you expect from movies today, however I can see how this story-line would have been thrilling in the late 50's. By trying to "update" the film and getting rid of the pod-people, you eliminated the threat of dying as well, making it less scary. The chill factor of people walking around, just showing up around each corner was good. It's a movie experience i haven't gotten since "Halloween," but this didn't last more more than one scene. Also on the good side, the score was beautifully crafted. Otherwise, the take-over was unrealistic (i.e. throwing up in coffee), the characters felt as if they were body snatched before the movie started (at least from a cast with so much talent), and it simply wasn't scary. The biggest pitfall for me though was it's attempt at being current and political like is predecessors, but this movie just complained about how people go to war, and are innately animals, without any point or moral. That without emotion, people are better off because we are at peace. Big Effing deal, that is just stupid.
All together, Rotten Tomatoes trashed the film with a 20%, I feel it's slightly better than that.

"my finger tips are holding to the cracks in our foundation."

Longing For the Coast Line

Lately, myself and others have been noticing i have been running myself ragged. I have a lot on my mind, but what else is new right? Other than the constant troubles of being single and alike, I have made my life even more difficult by looking for a new place to live.

I just recently renewed my rent on my current apartment for a 6 month term. Now, i am in contact with rental agencies, realtors, credit unions, friends, family... everyone, so that in six months i don't have to be in this apartment. I even updated my resume on Monster.com just in case. ;)

Other than "moving", some things in my life are getting me a little livid. Things that really shouldn't. I am just as guilty of letting online communities control my life as anyone else, but I hate when people act like doesn't mean a big deal but it does. Besides all this, i feel like I have finally found some things to take my mind off my heartbreak. I feel like i just can't be "stress free", so something new to be stressed about helps. It's nice. I am going to censer myself from further information, but i think i am feeling better?

My friend Julie contacted me tonight to do a little bragging. Haha. Today she started her job at Marvel in New York. Yeah, the comic book (movie, multimedia, etc.) company. She knew that if anyone appreciate it I would. I feel as if she had every right to brag. The job sounds stupendous and she has the resume/portfolio to land it now. Lots of congratulations go to her. Even though i am extremely jealous.

I sorta wish i was home right now... i feel like i wouldn't have to worry about any of this. I know i shouldn't live in the past, but i can't help but wonder how different my life would be if Hallmark and I would have never worked out. So much would be different, but would it be better? I like to hope not.

Speaking of home, I am picking up Heather from the airport tomorrow. I look forward to her stories.

Tonight, i took a break from all this and played some Tiger Woods Golf and Zelda. It has actually been quiet a while since i have just sat down and played the Wii. Zelda is a long, in-depth game, that keeps my mind focused on puzzles and mind games. On the other hand Tiger Woods was getting me a little frustrated. EIther way, both of them gave me a good break tonight.

It was definately a good thing that i hadn't bought my iMac yet, for a bunch of reasons. One, is the new iMac. Man, it is sexy as hell. Unfortunately, it still hasn't done anything with the premiere of the new OSX. It's still coming out on an unmarked date in October. iLife '08 on the other hand comes with the the new computers. One thing i think is neat about Apple is all of their "copy" on their website, etc. is very personable and conversational when they are explaining their computers.

I thought this was funny. As you may well know, i am a big fan of anime. But i don't think i could ever be this big a fan.... or could i?

I Am The Predator, You Are The Prey

It's tragic i know that i haven't posted in a couple days. but it was the weekend... i am about to give you an update now.

So, as life goes, the last couple days (thursday/friday) have been some of the hardest that i have had to deal with. But it was followed up by some great times. I won't go into too much detail, but i had a great time on Saturday. I'm surprised i could talk after all the conversing i did between Friday and Saturday night.

I can't thank everyone enough for putting everything into persective. Bob and Lauren really got it going... So, i can't thank them enough. From there, the weekend was on an uphill slop. Starting out with breakfast on at my favorite place, Succotash, with the awesome Aaron and Garthy on Saturday. The conversation was great. Followed by talking at the pool with Bob and Lauren whilst tanning. Then, singing and screaming on the way to maybe one of the best Wal-Mart trips in a long while. The night ended up with Heather, Bob and Lauren, "not watching" Thumbsucker, because we were too busy talking. Oh, and Papa Johns. Delicious.

Sunday:

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire - Although visually entertaining, I felt this was a big disappointment after watching the The Prisoner of Azkaban. The biggest advantage to this film was dragons. Dragons are always a win for me in a movie. However, it wasn't enough to save it. The movie was about a contest that Harry gets wrapped into unwillingly, but somehow it is sandwiched between a secret plot... and a love story... and all to convenient classes. I felt like the movie was long, and not as well tied together. This movie was darker than even the last, and set up the next movie to be epic.

After this came the "Shark Week '07 Kick-off Party". Everyone brought some sort of "themed" snack. Heather designed the poster and brought "Chum" Punch, Cecilia brought Goldfish crackers, Emily brought Shark Infested Jello, Bob and Lauren Louisiana Yum-yum (with Shark gummies), Jay-bo and Patty, as well as myself brought Rice Crispy Sculptures. Brian hosted, supplied gummies, chips and dip, and took pictures. I will upload some pictures later with his permission. The show was only OK, but the party was freaking amazing.

Land of the Dead - It's been quite some time since I have seen a zombie movie. And really any time without a zombie movie is too long. The basic idea of this movie is; well after zombies first started to walk the Earth, they have started to adapt and even learn. People have sectioned themselves off from the zombies, but they aren't having it. The movie was full of gore, the acting was actually better then most horror movies, and of course it was directed by the man who made zombies what they are today, George A. Romero. The plot was a little sloppy, but thats my only complaint. For fans of the undead only.

Today, I was able to focus. I finished (well, close) the card that has been on my case for 2 weeks now. I goofed off just enough, and and worked more. When i returned home I tonight after Big Love, i got to talk to my ex-girlfriend Sammie. We had a great chat and caught up with each other. She is so easy to talk to. The main topic; growing up. If what she says is true, she is doing really great for herself. I'm proud to be her friend.

Emily sent this to make me happy. fun.

I think that makes up for the two days missing right? gah. you people must hate me.

i can't think of a good song lyric.

There Are No Bad Friends (They Aren't Friends at All)

I can't express how i feel about all of the concern i got from all of my friends today. I don't want to go into listing names of all the people that were so nice, but i seriously needed to know your support was there. Some people I felt had more compassion than others, but either way, thanks. Even though I still feel like shit, the fact that you came to me to see if i was alright (maybe just not dead), made me feel the exact opposite emotions i felt last night.
This also helped:

This is Pam's baby. Pam was my lead at Crayola. I had no idea she had this adorable little girl. I talked to her and my other lead today through e-mails. I figured maybe i would keep my name fresh in their minds if you know what i mean.

no happy hour today? thats actually probably for the best i guess. i couldn't concentrate at work today... i hope this passes.

The Crushing Blow.

I cried tonight. I cried for about a half an hour. I am broken. Who knew it could get any worse? Well, it did. I can't remember the last time i felt so awful. There is quite the story to go with this, but I'm not going to get into it. I called Garthy because i needed to tell someone. Thinking it was going to be a harmless conversation, thats when i broke down. Through tears and blood-shot eyes, i got down on my knees and prayed to God. I asked him to give me strength and to make things better. I felt weak and helpless... and i told Him so. I didn't know what else to do, and even though i felt guilty because i only come to God when i have a problems, i had to. At his point, getting out was the best think i could do. So, I went on a long walk down Westport to Blockbuster, and back. My heart physically hurt (and still does), and so did my head... By the time i had returned; i had spoken to many people, i was sweating, and i felt a little better. I was able to appreciate my situation a little better. I enjoyed the city by night, and actually felt like a resident — even though at the time i really just wanted to be anywhere else but Kansas City. The homeless people who stopped and asked for change reminded me how life could always be worse. After i signed back online, my friend Emily who i haven't spoke to in almost exactly a year IMed me and we proceeded to talk for hours. Was she God answering back? Whatever happened tonight... you'll have to ask me to find out... but i will never forget this time in my life for anything. I have never felt so alone in my life, but thank you to all the friends who are constantly there like Emily, and Garthy tonight. Keep me in you're prayers... i need them now more than ever...

"i dont think you want to hear this, but..."

Fruitless Relationships

Everyday for the past few weeks i have been "reinventing" myself over and over again. Does nothing work? Not so far... i feel like i am starting to make progress now.

Who do I think I am? I'm really not much of anything special. I think about that every day. I am a slightly overweight kid, that works for a 9-5. I'm only an average designer, and i have a blog that makes semi-obvious observations. I really don't have a whole lot of offer the world. I will find my place someday.

I slacked off enough at work today to be able to write a blog post, but i didn't.

Hard Candy. I started it tonight... but got no more than 30 minutes into it before i had to go. I will finish it tomorrow. That, and The third Harry Potter Movie.

I help Aaron officially move into Kansas City today. It will be good having him around. With Aaron doing his darndest to be with his girl, I am little jealous of them. They are just seem so happy together.

I am beat from today. I had plans for this post... but they were thwarted by fatigue. tomorrow maybe.

Someone go to see Tegan and Sara with me. No rush it's not until November.

"yeah, i move pretty baby, where the skies are so blue"

Faith and Understanding.

From the point i got out of bed today, i was already mentally exhausted. I obviously had a tough time last night... I didn't think it would last into the morning but it did. Some things just plague your mind you know?

I haven't been to church in a while but i made Garth a promise that i would give her church a try today. So I did. I have a lot of lament toward the church, so i don't often go. It hadn't been that long since i was to church last, but there was something about going today that made it feel like it was years ago. This was actually a pleasant experience. I can't say that i will be going back every Sunday, but i regained a little "faith" in the church. It was very casual. Sort of a hipster get-together for Christian kids. The worship was like a concert. The sermon was like a conversation. The crowd was pretty diverse age wise i guess, but it was mostly people our age. All in all I had a good time. Maybe I can find a nice Christian chic to make me happy.

On topic with Garth, the group just got a spiritual 1-up with her boyfriend moving to KC on Tuesday. I'm hoping that his might mean more friends. Aaron is a terribly good guy, and I'm psyched to have him out here.

Garth and I had lunch at Chipotle after church, where we briefly talked about that, church, life, my troubles. It was a good time as always.

Full from lunch, i came back and sat around for a little while. I called Lauren and talked to her for a little while. Then later on i talked to Nick. Both were completely opposite kinds of conversation, on the same subject. The one thing they had in common was they both made me feel better, and i really appreciate them.

By the time i was finished with talking to both of them, i was pretty run dry mentally. So, of course, i thought i would punish myself more by going to the gym and getting a physical work out to go with my mental one.

While i was there i put on my new favorite show. Man vs Wild. I swear... Awesome! Bear Grylls is more man than anyone EVER. I can only hope to be half the man he is. Watching his show while working out definitely gives you more gusto to get the job done.
If you are really feeling up to it, search YouTube for the zebra clip. OH yeah. thats the stuff.

The rest of the afternoon was a blur... and now i ended up here blogging...

Night all.

Making Scars

My trip is over. I am "home" safe and sound, well over 2000 miles later. I definitely learned some things while gone. I learned just how far away i am from my hometown, i know that people actually wanted to see me while i was home, and I learned some things about myself.

After the long drive friday, i just went to bed when i got home. Saturday I went on a quick run, talked to my mom about fiances, tried to fix their computer, and made a blog post. It felt like i was al grown up. At 5 I went over to the Walberts, then i picked up where i left off. It was like high school/college. We watched TV, played video games, and ate. It was a good time.

Next day:
Live Free, Die Hard - I saw it. If you didn't at least give it a try, you are a communist. Yeah, i said it. John McClain is the most American man out there. Not seeing this film is just plain unpatriotic. With that said, the movie was just was good as i hoped. The action scenes were a little over the top, but no more so than the previous movies of the trilogy. The story is basically this: A cop stuck in the past, is confronted by a new-aged problem over his head, and the only common language between them is ass-kicking. When an elite group of hackers, led by an ex-government employee, tries to run the world into the ground with computer viruses, John McClain, a rundown NYPD detective has to stop them. He gets wrapped up in this by accident (a little cliche), but it becomes personal. Action-packed from beginning until end, like every movie should be.

Then dinner with my Mom, Stan, my sister Kayla, her boyfriend Justin, Stan's daughter Jill, and her boyfriend Rich. It ended with Stan drunk, me feeling weird about everyone being racist and talking about murders.

Monday, was Pizza Hut Buffet, a little picking up chics*, and bowling. Tuesday, a bike ride, lots of sitting around, blogging, Kyle and I picked up Nick, then Wii with Mark and Erin. Nick stayed at my house the rest of the week. Wednesday, the 4th:

Transformers - Saw this too. Not as good as Die Hard, but this was also amazing. When you bring a childhood classic to life in a way that looks as good as this movie, you have awesomeness. It was a little cheesy at parts, but not enough to ruin the film for me. Really if you don't know what the Transformers are... you must have missed the 80's. But... Sam Witwiki (Shia), a kid who gets his first car ends up to be Bumblebee (my favorite Transformer), a classic Camaro. Sam has the key to the Autobots stopping Megatron and the evil Decepticons from getting "the cube," which is the means to Earths destruction. Megan Fox, who plays Sam's love interest, Mikaela also makes the movie even more entertaining. She is gorgeous! The battles are awesome, the cars are cool, and the girls are hot. A summer must see. I can't even think of anything to complain about at the moment.

We then played horse shoes, drank beer, and played the Transformers video game (lots of that on this trip obviously). Dinner on the Grill, fireworks in the front lawn, and watched Shooter is how the day ended. It was a success i felt. Thursday, I got my oil changed, then we picked up chics* in King of Prussia. My dad and I then went for Chinese and had a good talk. He and I are a lot alike in some ways. I hope i can grow up to be like him, but be able to fix the mistakes he made in his life. Friday, we watched Man vs Wild (Bear Grills is more man than anyone), I wooped up at mini-golf, and watched Smoking Aces. I went to bed at 2 in the morning, only to get up at 7:30 to drive 1080 miles home the next morning.

I brought back a 24 case of Yuengling Light, 4 half gallons of Turkey Hill iced tea, a crock-pot, a bed-frame, an acoustic guitar, the Die Hard Collection (for $9.99!), pictures, and a sunburn on my left arm only.

I feel as if now i am going to live life as if every decision was already made for me. Good or bad. Every event shapes me. I hope this will give me a little more confidence to talk to girls. I'm sure i will elaborate on this later.

out.

*picking up chics is pretty much just going to the mall while nick and kyle poke fun at me for being a wimp.

Blue and Green.

Things are going better today. Not that they were horrible yesterday, but things just didn't go as planned from morning until night. It was kind of a nice relief to fall asleep finally. Today, though rainy, is more according to plan at least. Even though i had to wait about an hour to get my car back from inspection, it only cost me $12! I mean 12 bones?... thats nothin. Tomorrow, with luck, Cecilia and I will be getting our license and registration during lunch. That means tonight my big plans consist of finding my old paperwork.

Links today, an old stand by; Danny, Kristens boyfriend, and a very talented designer, has posted about this many times before. But for the people who don't read Danny's blog (i wouldn't think most people read it), this is 365 Portraits. Yes, one for every day of the year. Danny was actually featured on his birthday. Here. What a sexy beast. Feel blue might be his favorite color.

I hope to post later tonight.

"i've got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one."

Civil Arguement.

i felt as if i needed deserved an icey spirit lifter after a small feud Green and i had earlier. She brought me some nice baked goods and i ruined it by bringing up how upset i had been the past couple days. Last night i had made it a point to tell Green just how i was feeling because i had hoped it helped. But just as if we were still going out, she came back with something i had said to make her feel bad, and all of a sudden, i lost my own fight. gah. I can't do anything in my favor. So back to cleaning up the place, drinking my "shushy" and trying to see if i can spy the hot chic that lives next across the way. Garth will be here at 6 and we are going to talk over dinner.

also thanks to Kerchner (yeah another Heather, ha) for reading too.

anyone else who reads still let me know so i can thank you too.

Visitor

Kelly is my cubical neighbor. Kelly is like an older me. He enjoys anime, punk-rock music, lonely lunches, and hopeless romances. He recently found a girl that he really liked. He also recently lost that girl. I never really talk about the people at work, but this morning i felt compelled because he had mentioned how he had just broke up with his girlfriend... on his birthday. It struck a nerve in me, and i realized i was staring at myself. He is secretly all broken up about it, but he wasn't really letting the world know how much, especially his newly-made-ex-girlfriend. He went out of his way to make he happy and then one day he felt it was over even before it happened. Now we both sit here at work unhappy with our current persona.

Work is empty today. Everyone has something more interesting to do than sit in a sad little cubical and stare blankly at a computer screen. Research. Vacation. Whatever your poison. So, I believe, seperately, we are going to take off early today.

There is something about Postal Service that is very comforting and depressing at the same time. If you are thinking USPS... then you should possibly stop reading my blog.

Trivia night was a lot of fun. I felt good being able to at least assist with crap 90's music trivia. Who knew actually listening to Wheetus, Harvey Danger, and LEN would help. Napster and I were good friends back then. I learned that I didn't know my Care Bears as well as i thought. I also learned that i have other friends out in KC. I hope they feel the same.

Maybe I will post some Illustrations later.

Eyes to the World.

Luckily, Google has been able to yet again take the next step into beating out the competion in the online map industry (no matter how small it actually is), with the "Street View" feature. Clearly, the satalite feature was not getting close enough to the "action" and you weren't able to stalk sufficiently. I'm sure within the year, all the major cities will be posted and we will be able to dive deep into the lives of most inner-city living. After that? Well, lets hope Google reps will be knocking on our doors to come in and take pictures. Or maybe a follow feature, where it allows you to find a person, trace their everyday path, and then follow them around. Thanks internet for making stalking so much easier and more interesting.

Edit:
i was able to make the walk from the subway stop, the A train on 145th, to Nick's old apartment on Bradhurst. It's farther than i thought. Also a little scary that i was able to find it that easily. I wonder if he was still liviing there when the pictures were taken.

Maybe I'll look up Donna's apt later. =D This is fun.

NEW LABEL!

Holiday in the City

When you are a kid, you think about how cool everything will be when you grow up. Once you hit college, you realize that growing up means moving away and, well, "growing up". You join the work force, and forget all the fun you had as a kid...

One thing holds true... It's Easter Monday, and it's about an hour from the end of the day here. I have kept myself suprisingly busy for most of the day, and even took a shorter lunch then usual, so i figured I deserved to take a little down time to write something in my blog. It's sucks we even had to come in today. What happened to almost a week off of school.

To keep you updated: I haven't updated in a while because my time has been occupied by the new love of my life; Riley. Riley, is Heathers 8 week old Boston Terrier that we are currently trying to house train, feed, etc. I have been spending more time at her place in the last week then I had all together since she moved into the new apartment. Riley is definately worth it. And I feel like it's helping between Heather and I too. More importantly (just joking, or am I), I got a Nintendo Wii the Saturday before Riley got here. The Wii is pretty much everyone expects it to be. FUCKING AWESOME!

As different as life is now, we still find ways to hold on to childhood and have a good time, such as the Wii. Holidays certainly have changed. Instead of the traditional Easter Sunday were my family would go to church and then eat a small dinner midafternoon, eating candy all the while in between. This year, I woke up late, ate McDonald's Breakfast, then Papa Johns for Easter Dinner. All the while, we took care of the dog, and played the Wii. Of course. I did call my parents, but neither one was available to talk. I feel like friends are closer then family... I feel like that has been like that for a while now. Kansas City was just an excuse to make it a legit reason why. The highlight? Heather got me an Easter Basket. I think it was the timing of it that caught me off guard... but i feel like i need to be more appreciative of it to her. I am pretty thankful for my friends here (especially Heather).

All-in-all, i still think it was a good Easter (and good last couple weeks since I had posted). It wasn't very traditional, but maybe this is a new tradition i could get used to.

Defeating the Dragon King of the Orient (Season 1 Episode 9)

I never know how to start off these posts. I want to start writing something compelling and poetic, like the narration in the beginning of a "Sex and the City" episode. Sadly, I have been watching Sex and the City every day. That's what girls should like right? I feel like everyday, I make it an effort to be more of a perfect guy. Do you think anyone really appreciates it? I wish I could answer that, I don't think so though. I know Heather does sometimes. She makes me a happy guy.
I am losing weight (i can't really correct my looks otherwise).
I have a good amount of money that I offer to spend when I can help out.
I like to think I am funny.
I am pretty good at my job.
I appreciate things that girls like (i.e. Sex in the City, Chic Flicks, gossip, etc).
I appreciate things that dudes like (i.e. sports, electronics)
I do my best to be sweet and courteous and do things just to make a someone smile.
But, with all of this, people and things still hang over my head of being better then me. Looking better, designing better, everything. There is one guy... that bugs me so damn much. SO MUCH! I don't know if I can ever out do him. Really, I don't know if I have to... but it would make me feel better if I knew in my mind I was.

I bought an iPod. Obviously, that was a dangerous thing for me if you have any idea how much I love music. Currently I have 7121 songs on my iTunes and unfortunately I am slowly running out of space on my computer. I will probably have to start making space. Maybe delete World of Warcraft? ugh. I really hope I would never want to play again because it would be a pain to reinstall. But having the iPod turned me into one of "those guys" always walking around with headphones in my ears... I mean it's just so damn convenient. I know... welcome to the 21st century. I'm sure the novelty will run out eventually. But who knows how long it could be.

We here have has a string of visitors here in Kansas City. And by we, I mean Heather, and we merely observed when it was convenient for us. Last week, from Monday afternoon until Friday morning, Heather's good friends Greg and Megan were up. It was really nice getting to know them. I guess it would be nice to know Heather's friends huh. They are awesome people just looking for a good time in KC,Mo (and maybe a job). So Heather got her "spring break". This week, here parents are here. I am respecting her space, and giving her time to hang out with her parents with as little interruption as she wants. Because of this, I haven't seen her outside of work since Friday at lunch. It's hard. When you really like a person (it helps that she is easy to look at too), it's hard not to see them a couple times a week. I feel like we are thousands of miles away. Will this help us grow stronger?

I hope some one comes to visit me soon.

On the opposite end up friends coming to visit... Kristen is leaving. I just started to become "pretty OK" friends with her and she is moving to NYC. It sucks. But we all have to say, we would do the same thing in her situation (or possibly even in a less comfortable situation).

I started to sketch out my tattoo tonight. I guess I am really going to go through with it. My idea might be a little complicated, so we will see if it happens on the date planned, but my hopes are to have it done other the weekend of my birthday. Just in time for summer. I will upload an image when i have a more final looking version together.

I wish I had something profound to say in closing as well... but i don't, so move on. Peace.
-Josh