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Monday, October 22, 2007

No Help for the Bitter

(image stolen from Heather's Facebook,
sorry i have none of my own)

It was an interesting weekend. There isn't really a whole lot to document all of what went on, except a few bad cellphone camera images. A theme was kind of set around the fact that my friends Heather and Aaron got ENGAGED on Saturday. I did my part by setting up a small picnic for them with John, while their friend Ashley set up a dinner. Heather's friends and family from here and from back in Lubbock, made the effort to be there for her. The evening was full of conversation, italian food and achohol (which surpisingly, i had none of). Of course, none of the conversation swayed very far away from relationships, love, and marrage, which I couldn't care less about commitment right now. Of course, in my bitterness, I counted the married couples. Five (six if you count the newly engaged) couples. Thats about half of the attendees. You know though, it's nice to see others happy. To have conversations about "meet cute's" and happy accidents, and about family, instead of the normal bitter, hateful conversations I have. Sadly, I relate more to the hate.

The rest of the weekend was:
Friday, i played Halo and drank until it was about 10:30 and then i watched 28 Weeks Later.
Sunday, I did laundry in a broken dryer, took Heathers brother Zach and his wife around the city, saw The Darjeeling Limited, and the Illustionist.
all the movies were good. i will try and put up some reviews later.

All of this aside, I am extremely happy for both Aaron and Heather because i know that this is what they both wanted very much... so "Congratuations Kids!"

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Friday, October 19, 2007

When You Love Enough to Hate

Today at lunch, i got a fortune. It said,

"You were born with a silver spoon in your mouth."

That's not a fortune! That's bordering on insulting! I had ment to scan it in, so you would get the full effect, but i lost it somewhere between the Chinese place and here. It was much more amusing with the smiley faces that began and ended the sentence.

Thankfully, it's Friday.

"I love this city, but I've set and numbered its days. I love this city, enough that I'll set it ablaze. It will burn."

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Friday, September 28, 2007

Defy Emotion

Through recent events i think i have become bi-polar. Some things just put me in such a good mood. and then others just bring me all the way back down. At least it's a beautiful, sunny Friday, and it's a pay day.

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Monday, September 24, 2007

It Takes More Than A Year to Make A Legend

The days are getting shorter, the mornings cooler... the TV better. Fall is here. Officially, yesterday was the first day, but it certainly didn't feel like it. Neither did today for that matter, but it was still dark when i woke up and that was tough.

A year ago, Saturday, I was out here for a year. I hadn't start work yet, but I moved in the last week of September, knowing only two people well enough to call friends. Today, i am not doing to much different from when i first got here; sitting in front of my computer, blogging, with the TV on in the background. Then again a lot has changed. I am trying to make due with what i have been dealt, but sometimes it's tough. Things are starting to get easier. My mind is definitely in a different place than i was 3 months ago. Or even a month.

I got a Hand Job today. Don't worry, it's a book... a type book. And it's pretty much awesome. It's by Michael Perry who i have mentioned before. This is the coolest book i own, hands down. If you want to take a look at it, just ask. Here are some images per Amazon:

Halo 3 comes out tomorrow... today, whatever, 9/25. I admit, I'm gay for Halo. I will get it soon, but probably not until the weekend.

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Sunday, September 9, 2007

Big Hollywood Murder

In the Headlines:
• Nice! Paris Hilton is suing Hallmark for $500,000 to a card the costs $2.94 and i personally don't even think is that good. Probably because she thinks she can copywrite "thats hot". Daddy makes all of his money from owning beautiful hotels, and Paris makes her money from from law suits. Classy.

• Someone was murdered in my alma mater Thursday. Reaffirming the fact that the Mennonites have an evil streak in them. Actually, this is really no laughing matter, it's very heartbreaking. It was 3 dick heads who beat up a 19 year old downtown. Story here.

• I have decided to myself that i just need to talk less, that everything i say can be used against me, and that I need to start doing things for myself, because i'm getting no where like this.
• Carrying on the tradition of Japanese cut paper art, Patrick Gannon now lives in Tokyo, Japan, and put is constantly updating is blog with new work. Why can't this guy be me? If i had any talent at all, i would do this.

• Brittany Spears is going to publicly humiliate herself by opening up the 2008 MTV Video Music Awards, with her latest hook up Criss Angel. Criss Angel will be performing a trick where he makes Brittany's career completely disappear. ZING! Call me Conan if you need a writer.

"and there's this burning like there's always been."

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Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Every Evening

If you get the time, please answer the question below, which i posted earlier today.

As always, my mind has been racing. Not really about anything in particular either. All i can do is think about stuff. I am getting comfortable with my surroundings, but at the same time bored. The last couple days... maybe even weeks, have been a struggle. I have reached a point where i am spending most of my time by myself, and watching a lot of movies, hence the movie reviews all the time. Most of this is not by choice. Some people just don't want to have anything to do with me, some people i want little to do with, and others i feel guilty hanging around with. It's weird to have most of my friends in relationships. With my friends from home i hardly had this problem. Ha. Of course the single people back home still wanted to hang with me. I hate being the third wheel. I feel like somedays it's OK, and others I feel like I am taking away their time to be together. I guess the only solution is to find more single friends, or become better friends with the ones i already have. Gah. I am rambling.

I'm sick of complaining all over my blog. Then stop complaining! Shut up assholes, i know thats what some of you are thinking. But, it's not so much that i blog about it, but rather that i have so much to complain about, and i need some place to vent.

TMNT - My childhood Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles has received another overhaul to refurbish the franchise. Years ago I heard that the next Ninja Turtles would be CGI, but there where some really ugly looking roughs, and talks of incorporating it into live action. I felt the stylized, sleek look of the Turtles, April, Casey Jones, and the rest of the supporting characters was definitely the way to go. The story was good and action packed. The only downfall, no Shredder, but i felt as if that may have been for the best. I had a good time watching this.

i'm done.

"Stay, cause i don't think i wanna live here dying all alone."

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Thursday, August 16, 2007

Free King

For the last five days or so, it has been surpassing 100 degrees here in Missouri. The days seem short, but the weeks seem long. I guess thats how summer moves...

I find it funny how, relatively speaking, things never really stay "good" for me. And I guess the same can be said for my "bad" times. I am the type of person that learns to cope, adjust and deal with what i have been dealt. Same can be said for almost everyone, I suppose. We all get used to our surroundings, and habits, and mindsets, until something comes along that messes with it. Whether it's bad or good, and the severity, determines that amount of time it would take you to adjust. Also, if you are trying to adjust to something that has brought you down, and you are on a slow upward battle to get back to "normal", little glitches in your so called "normal" seem so much bigger. Is my real problem that i have to be "better than normal" to be happy? When you taste happiness do you ever really want to go back to just "OK"? So, when "happiness" becomes your normal, then you reach for the next level of happiness. It's either that or, like me, something changes and you are back to where you began. All of the best things i can think of that happen to me, are soon taken away. If i would look at my life as a graph and my starting point for happiness were 0, you would find that I would pretty well even out back to 0 (most likely a little bit below). I guess thats not too bad, but it would be nice to be above the keel for once.

When you are angry on a cell phone, you can't quiet convey it the same way as when you have a phone with a receiver. You can't quiet flip the phone closed hard, or push the button angrily; sometimes you just wanna slam that shit out of that phone down on the hook. Down fall of technology.

Things I've learned about having a dog (Part Three):
- you never have to worry about picking up any food you have dropped.
- you get a lot of extra exercise.

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Thursday, July 26, 2007

The Crushing Blow.

I cried tonight. I cried for about a half an hour. I am broken. Who knew it could get any worse? Well, it did. I can't remember the last time i felt so awful. There is quite the story to go with this, but I'm not going to get into it. I called Garthy because i needed to tell someone. Thinking it was going to be a harmless conversation, thats when i broke down. Through tears and blood-shot eyes, i got down on my knees and prayed to God. I asked him to give me strength and to make things better. I felt weak and helpless... and i told Him so. I didn't know what else to do, and even though i felt guilty because i only come to God when i have a problems, i had to. At his point, getting out was the best think i could do. So, I went on a long walk down Westport to Blockbuster, and back. My heart physically hurt (and still does), and so did my head... By the time i had returned; i had spoken to many people, i was sweating, and i felt a little better. I was able to appreciate my situation a little better. I enjoyed the city by night, and actually felt like a resident — even though at the time i really just wanted to be anywhere else but Kansas City. The homeless people who stopped and asked for change reminded me how life could always be worse. After i signed back online, my friend Emily who i haven't spoke to in almost exactly a year IMed me and we proceeded to talk for hours. Was she God answering back? Whatever happened tonight... you'll have to ask me to find out... but i will never forget this time in my life for anything. I have never felt so alone in my life, but thank you to all the friends who are constantly there like Emily, and Garthy tonight. Keep me in you're prayers... i need them now more than ever...

"i dont think you want to hear this, but..."

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Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Fruitless Relationships

Everyday for the past few weeks i have been "reinventing" myself over and over again. Does nothing work? Not so far... i feel like i am starting to make progress now.

Who do I think I am? I'm really not much of anything special. I think about that every day. I am a slightly overweight kid, that works for a 9-5. I'm only an average designer, and i have a blog that makes semi-obvious observations. I really don't have a whole lot of offer the world. I will find my place someday.

I slacked off enough at work today to be able to write a blog post, but i didn't.

Hard Candy. I started it tonight... but got no more than 30 minutes into it before i had to go. I will finish it tomorrow. That, and The third Harry Potter Movie.

I help Aaron officially move into Kansas City today. It will be good having him around. With Aaron doing his darndest to be with his girl, I am little jealous of them. They are just seem so happy together.

I am beat from today. I had plans for this post... but they were thwarted by fatigue. tomorrow maybe.

Someone go to see Tegan and Sara with me. No rush it's not until November.

"yeah, i move pretty baby, where the skies are so blue"

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Thursday, July 19, 2007

Summer Love (Fireworks)

RJD2 video in Philly. At least it looks like Philly. This guy is smooth on crutches.

I was having a good talk with my friend Heather Kerchner from home, when we started to talk about college and moving away (she is taking a job in Knoxville). It's funny how life isn't how we expect it to be. Especially when it comes to friends. You spend all your time building relationships, only to move away and have to start over. Almost everyone in college moves away, and it's hard to stay friends with the distance. Our parents say, "take your time growing up and enjoy school while it lasts", but you don't realize it's the truth until it's too late. In contrast, I was talking to my friend Heidi from high school and she was saying how it was great that our reunion really refurbished some of her old friendships. Unfortunately, like I, she is in a different state and has to travel home to see those old friends. I miss my friends from home, and from high school, but i wouldn't trade the new friendships i have made here in Kansas City for anything. And just like college, in time, we will move away.

I don't know what it is with me lately, but i have been putting a lot of thought into this nonsense. I'm sorry i don't have more design stuff to talk about. I look forward to this weekend so maybe i can keep my mind off of it.

I'm pretty excited to go to my friend Em's wedding reception on Saturday evening. Sunday, I promised Heather Garth i would finally go to church with her, and then going to lunch. I'm doing my best to make my life more interesting, and to make the most of my time. I was also invited to a party sunday afternoon, i think i might go to that as well. But that one is up in the air. In between i am going to start designing a website for my sister.

Tomorrow, if i have the time, I hope to upload some stuff. I guess this is where the post ends today.

Love, Josh
"I am the reason you're always complaining. This is my side of the story..."

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